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New Orleans Pelicans

Hey Free Agents: Come to New Orleans!

Jon Nathan Raby



Mandatory Credit: Scott Clause/The Advertiser via USA TODAY NETWORK

Hey Dell. Feel free to use this when pitching free agents this offseason. No charge; I just want to help out.



Dear Superstar/Potential Superstar/3&D Glue Guy (Preferrably 6’8 or taller)/Veteran Willing to take MLE,

Welcome to New Orleans! Congrats on being a free agent, the time where you have the most control over your career as a player. This is probably one of many stops during your free agency period, and every team will have some sort of pitch. Well we have one too, even though we probably don’t need to. But here’s a few reasons you should consider playing in New Orleans if for some reason playing with a freak Pterodactyl/Fire-breathing Dragon hybrid with one eyebrow doesn’t do it for you.

  1. PTERODACTYL/FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON: It’s still what we’re leading with. Anthony Davis didn’t need a coming-out party for these playoffs, since most people knew how good he was. But he decided to throw one anyway. If you’re someone who enjoys playing with talented teammates, Anthony Davis should make you salivate. Watching him dismantle the Trailblazers and then give the Warriors bigs everything they can handle should inspire the sort of motivation that only Knute Rockne speeches are capable of. If Davis isn’t in the Top 3 players of the league right now, it’s only a matter of time. (But let me let you in on a secret. He is.)
  2. IT’S NOT A ONE-MAN SHOW: Not anymore. Jrue Holiday did need the coming-out party, and it has been a fantastic party. He’s turned up his intensity in this series after completely swallowing Lillard whole. And he’s gained confidence so he knows he can do this next year. He’s struggled to defend Kevin Durant despite Herculean effort, but that’s something that you can solve. Or try to solve. Come on, it’s Kevin Durant.
  3. BRO, THIS ISN’T EVEN OUR FINAL FORM: The team appeared way more talented than most people expected in Portland, and guess what? There was still significant talent missing that will be there next year! Yes, I’m talking about DeMarcus Cousins, who will definitely sign back with us, and will still be talented even after injury. But I’m also talking about Frank Jackson, a young kid who scouts have raved about and has spent a year hanging out with one of the smartest point guards in history. The team will be even better next year, and that’s not even considering what you will bring to the table (more on that later).
  4. BECOME A PART OF THE FAMILY: This team LOVES each other. You can tell in the way they hang out, in the way they talk about one another. And after a tumultuous few years, Alvin Gentry has found his stride and has this team excited to play for him. They trust in his system, and in the systems assistants Chris Finch and Darren Erman run as well. This team has real leadership in Rondo (he’s staying too) and will welcome anyone who they know will help them win.
  5. HELP THE CITY GROW: New Orleans has been long-maligned as a city that doesn’t care about basketball. But that’s changing because of Anthony Davis, this playoff run, and the culture the Pelicans are building. It’s exciting to be at the grass roots of something great. You’ll love watching this budding enthusiasm, fans who normally wear black and gold reach for navy and red as well. This team will never replace the team next door, but we have shown that if we continue in this direction, the city is big enough for the both of us. 
  6. WE OVERCOME THE ODDS: They said Boogie and Davis wouldn’t work, but we proved them wrong. They said the playoffs were a dream when Boogie went down, but we proved them wrong. They said we couldn’t beat Portland, but we proved them wrong. We went down 2-0 against the defending champs and responded with an inspired game in front of a rowdy crowd. We will respond in Game 5 because we don’t lie down. Even if we don’t win, we will work to overcome the odds because that’s what we’ve done all season long.
  7. BUT WE STILL NEED HELP: This team is talented. This team is well coached. This team is converting the city. But the journey isn’t over yet. We need to get better. We need to become more talented. And you are part of the solution. If you look around the league, you’ll see many situations you can join, but not many that offer what the New Orleans Pelicans offer. A great environment. A fabulous city that is falling in love with the team. Hungry, talented players. And a Pterodactyl. The New Orleans Pelicans don’t want to be part-time visitors to the playoffs. They want to be a mainstay, and they’re set up to be that way. But they need you to make it a reality. Join the Pelicans. Be part of something Big.

Jon Nathan Raby, from New Orleans, is the creator of The Footbawl Blog, a satirical and irreverent take on the NFL. His work has also been seen in The Postgame and the Yahoo Sports Contributor Network.

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