Hello, and welcome to Locked On Pelicans! In wake of the New Orleans Pelicans’ recent sweep of the Portland Trailblazers, we here at Locked On Pelicans understand that some of you may be looking to jump on the team’s bandwagon. Rooting for a new team can be daunting, but fear not! Our highly-trained staff of consultants can walk you through the ins and outs of Pelican fandom. From the inferiority complex next to the Saints, to picking Twitter fights with Fletcher Mackel, to arguing about Rajon Rondo’s three-point percentage, all of us here at Locked On Pelicans are devoted to making sure you have the full Pelicans fan experience, bandwagon or no.
But Rory, you may be asking yourself, how do I know the Pelicans bandwagon is the right bandwagon for me? Excellent question, hypothetical reader! There are generally two types of bandwagon fan: those who follow whatever team is hot at the moment (Golden State, Houston, Boston, etc.) and those who follow whichever team has LeBron James on its roster. Since LeBron James is not a Pelican (yet?), we will assume you want to follow a hot team, and there is no team currently hotter than the Pelicans.
The New Orleans Pelicans has everything a bandwagon fan could ask for. Generational superstar entering his prime? Check. Household name with championship experience? Check. An emerging star to give you “I was into Jrue Holiday before it was cool” bragging rights? Check. Promise of even greater future glory upon DeMarcus Cousins’ return? Check. A city that is fun to visit should you actually want to attend a game at some point? Check.
Let’s face it: rooting for Golden State is getting a bit stale at this point. Also, the Houston Rockets aimed to cure their annual postseason collapse woes by adding a 32 year old guard who has never made it out of the second round of the playoffs. The Portland Trailblazers…well we all know how that went. You need a new team to pretend you’ve loved for years.
You need the Pelicans.
Still not convinced? Let me help you. If you are looking for a bandwagon team, that means your actual favorite team is not in the playoffs. Here is a reason to root for the Pelicans from the perspective of every non-playoff team.
Phoenix Suns: you stole Eric Gordon’s heart and he never came play for you. Now we’re both scorned!
Memphis Grizzlies: Tony Allen played for us for five minutes!
Dallas Mavericks: Jrue Holiday should give you hope that you can one day get value for Nerlens Noel!
Sacramento Kings: We’re doing it without Boogie? Also, you’re welcome for Buddy Hield!
Los Angeles Lakers: Jrue Holiday also went to UCLA and has a brother in the league, but it at least appears their father is not insane.
Los Angeles Clippers: Chris Paul left us too! Don’t you want to see us beat him for your own emotional catharsis?
Denver Nuggets: Watching Anthony Davis should be giving you ideas of how good it can be with Nikola Jokic.
Atlanta Hawks: Don’t you want to at least hate-watch the Pelicans due to residual animosity from the Falcons/Saints rivalry?
Orlando Magic: Shaquille O’Neal went to LSU! That totally counts.
Chicago Bulls: don’t you wonder what would have happened in the first round last year had Rondo not gone down? Now you can watch him and Mirotic on the Pelicans and find out!
Brooklyn Nets: Half of you live in the Bywater now anyway, right? This should be an easy transition.
New York Knicks: A front office that shows staggering incompetence building around an NBA unicorn? Allow a Pelicans fan to buy you a drink and tell you it gets better.
Charlotte Hornets: Oh come on! The Pelicans used to be you! This should be a no-brainer.
Detroit Pistons: A defense-minded team built around an All Star big man can work after all! Come see!
There you have it! Locked On Pelicans has team members standing by to help you with all your bandwagon fan needs. All New Orleans Pelicans bandwagon fan applicants will receive a Voodoo doll set to Steph Curry’s knees. Enjoy!